things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I am available for nakedness
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why are your pants in the freezer?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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