So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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