Old men and throwing up are my life now.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
