my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
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Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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