I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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