and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
