I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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