im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
