Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
