Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
home. puking in laundry basket.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
