Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
