I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
