she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
