ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
