help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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