I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
