Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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