i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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