i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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