Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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