Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
