hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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