her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
