I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I party with great urgency now.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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