i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
