I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
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