I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
