apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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