I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
