Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She's like a pop up book from hell.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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