We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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