Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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