Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
All the doctor said was why
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
