He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Did I show you my penis last night?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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