Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
