i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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