Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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