I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
