he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
