Apparently you make a good broom.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: eviction party
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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