can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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