You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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