her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
