I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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