The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
