your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
