I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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