Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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