her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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