conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
