He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
