I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
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he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
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He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
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