i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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