I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
whose ass print is on the piano?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
