Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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