You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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