I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
