I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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