I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
