i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
