I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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