I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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