im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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