Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
