Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
