I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
