Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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