dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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