I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
