She is in my trunk
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
