I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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