she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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