Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
