the condom got lost in my hair
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
