You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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